I’m not sure how it got to be Sunday before I remembered to write a post. I can’t even tell you what remarkable adventures distracted me from this task. But here I am. And I have Some Thoughts (TM), as usual.
The Childless Diet
In the past few months, I’ve spent many more evenings alone, and they are remarkably similar to the evenings I spent alone before I got married. Specifically, what I eat for dinner has reverted to a really awful menu of cheese and crackers, frozen pizzas, and PB&Js. If anyone else is around, I will cook dinner, but if I’m alone, I can barely be bothered to reheat leftovers. The only improvement is that I decided last month that I cannot revert to the habit of just drinking beer for dinner, and have tried to cultivate an interest in non-alcoholic beer instead. Less damaging to my liver but also Not Dinner.
This has led me to wonder how to make a more civilized transition to an empty nest, particularly when I need to eat alone. I cannot spend the rest of my days eating like this and it’s too soon to move into an assisted living home with table service (I think?).
More generally, though, it has me thinking about childlessness. Before I had kids, I didn’t understand myself to be childless, but as soon as my older son was born, it was like I had moved to another country with entirely different rituals and culture. A then-childless friend compared my baby to her cats and I was incensed. It was so different. So much harder. (She’s repented completely and has two younger kids of her own so she’s fully a citizen of this land I inhabit).
Now that my kids are older and are basically self-sufficient or at least moving in that direction, I’m not exactly childless but I can see the looming stage of post-children. So often mothers look with irritation at childless women, envious of their freedom. I am on the cusp of having almost the same freedom, and I’m young enough to enjoy it/successful enough to enjoy it more. But I don’t know how to do it. The past twenty years have been about striking a certain balance, filling multiple roles, making sacrifices. That era is passing and there’s no “What To Expect When You’re Expecting An Empty Nest.”
A Couple Memories for Father’s Day
Father’s Day doesn’t resonate for me because my dad wasn’t around when I was growing up. I try to make Father’s Day special for Brook, and we are having a family dinner tonight that I’m looking forward to. I went hunting for some stories on my old blog and came across a couple of stories that sum up what Brook has had to deal with as a father.
From May 2007:
A very sad watershed event occurred at dinner tonight. Li, who is in the habit of asking, "When you were little, did you like ___?" all the time, asked, "When you were little, did you like the Yankees?" I said, no. He then asked, "Do you like the Yankees now?" which brought B back into the dining room to say, "We are Red Sox fans and we think the Yankees stink." To which, L said, "I like the Yankees."
You know that cartoon sound where the car skids off the road, and there's the squeal of breaks and the smash of chrome? That sound happened in our dining room tonight. It sent B around the bend. He's so mad. Li then asked me who someone in the sports section was (Derek Jeter) and he walked around asking about Derek Jeter all night. He's clearly figured out a way to piss off his dad without there being any repercussions. B has decided to ignore it in hopes that this will pass, but possibly his greatest fear, just short of our kids getting addicted to drugs, is that they will be Yankees' fans.
From February 2011:
On the day before the Super Bowl, my 4 year old (Quinn) says to his father: "Who's winning the Super Bowl?"
"Nobody. The game isn't until tomorrow," says Mr. Scobie.
"So you don't even know who's winning?!" says the kid in his most sarcastic voice.
This is on top of both kids being basically nonplussed that the Pats lost 3 weeks ago, and claiming that they will be rooting for the Steelers tomorrow.
From February 2009:
A picture of the father himself on a mushroom hike at the Pt. Reyes Fungus Fest, when Liam’s obsession du jour was mushrooms.
Happy Father’s Day, y’all.
One last thing: I recommend the movie Hit Man which is out on Netflix. It’s very funny and the stars *almost* have as much chemistry as J. Lo and George Clooney in Out of Sight (which you should also see if you haven’t).
I remember the 14 nights when you and yer sister were away from me: cheese and crackers, glass of red wine. Like a vacation , but not. Empty nesting is another animal entirely. Takes time to adjust. Once you have become a parent, you will always be a parent— roles and responsibilities just morph into other roles.
As a veteran solo diner, I have found having chicken and lettuce around for a salad makes for an easy, quick and healthy "dinner". Nuking some salmon and frozen rice is also quick and compliments a salad (sans chicken). Just sayin.....